


they will never be the same (a fire in a flask to keep us warm)

by reachedthebitterend



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:55:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21737188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reachedthebitterend/pseuds/reachedthebitterend
Summary: Michael and Alex are incapable of letting go, to the detriment of any relationship they try to have.
Relationships: Alex Manes/Others, Michael Guerin/Alex Manes, Michael Guerin/Others
Comments: 7
Kudos: 125





	they will never be the same (a fire in a flask to keep us warm)

**Author's Note:**

> Written On: 11/12/19

**one.**

Michael starts dating Candice in the year following Alex’s departure.

She ignores his weirdly close relationship to Max and Isobel and his aversion to the phone, and she even likes the Airstream, calling it _bohemian chic._

She prefers it to bringing him over to her apartment that she shares with her older brother and her best friend.

That’s where they’re at, on his bed and she’s in his lap, kissing him with too much tongue, when his phone beeps and vibrates from its spot, stuffed between the mattress and the wall.

Michael would ignore it, like he always does, but the tone of the beep is specific to only one person who barely calls or texts Michael’s phone.

He pulls away from Candice and reaches for his phone, much to her displeasure.

“What are you doing?” She asks, out of breath and a little pissed.

Michael ignores the question because it’s obvious what he’s doing, and flips his phone open.

The screen reads, _one new text message from alex_.

He clicks open the message, _come pick me up?_

Michael feels his heart jump in his chest and start to beat overtime.

Alex is back.

He looks from the phone to Candice who is staring at him with narrowed eyes.

“I’ve never seen you on that thing,” she says, voice a little expectant.

Michael swallows hard and pats her hip.

“I have to go,” he says, and she slides off his lap, to standing position right in front of him and crosses her arms over her chest, tilting her head at him.

“You know I thought that my brother and Kari were just being downers, but you’re never going to let me in are you?”

Michael blinks at her in confusion not really understanding what she’s trying to say.

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about, but I have to go,” he says, and he moves to stand, but Candice doesn’t back away, only tilts her head back and looks at him, eyes dark and serious.

“If you don’t tell me where you’re going, I’m not going to be here when you get back.”

Michael furrows his brow and there’s a small part of him that wants to stop and talk about this, but his phone beeps and vibrates in his hand and the larger part of him that wants to see Alex and damn the consequences wins.

“Candy, baby,” he starts, and she shakes her head.

“No excuses,” she says and moves her hands to his arms, looking at him, and giving him that sweet smile that had made him take notice in the first place.

“I know that it’s early, but I really like you, and I like this relationship that we have, but there needs to be a line of things that I’m willing to take,” she says seriously. 

“And I can understand your relationship with the Evans twins to an extent, and the fact that you don’t like using the phone, but something has to give when you get a message and immediately want to leave. Especially when I haven’t seen you in days.”

She leans in closer and pushes herself up on her toes to kiss him, and Michael’s phone beeps again.

Michael moves back a little, and she frowns, her brow furrowed in confusion.

Michael gives her a half smile that he hopes is placating enough, “We can talk when I get back, but I really have to go.”

He steps to the side around her and barely hears her huffs out a breath in exasperation.

“Michael,” she says, but Michael flips his phone open to read the other two messages.

_no one else knows im here_

_??_

Michael types out a quick message, _be right there_.

And turns to grab his keys, and stops when he sees Candice just watching him with narrowed eyes.

“So you’re not going to tell me anything?”

Michael shakes his head. “This has nothing to do with you.”

Candice nods her head once but she looks a little taken aback.

“I have to go now,” He says.

She nods her head and gives him a serious look. “I’m not going to be here when you get back,” she says it like an ultimatum and Michael just shakes his head and walks out of the Airstream.

A small part of him hopes that she means it.

*

(Michael disappears for two days, and when he comes back home, every trace that Candice had been there is wiped away from the Airstream, and the next day when he sees her on the street across from the Crashdown, she turns around and walks in the opposite direction.)

**two.**

Andy worked at Fosters with Michael for two weeks before he had pushed him back against the hood of his car and kissed him like he could find the secrets of the universe in Michael’s mouth.

It starts a pattern that they keep up for the rest of the summer, and start up again the summer after that, making out in the back of Michael’s truck and fucking in the bigger backseats of Andy’s SUV.

Michael thinks that things are going great, and then Andy tries to take him out to dinner, which is different but not exactly something that Michael minds as long as Andy is the one that is paying.

Michael gets himself together and dressed fifteen minutes before he has to be out the door so that he gets to the Crashdown just in time.

He opens the door to the Airstream and stops short and feels like if someone had punched him in the chest and he couldn’t catch his breath.

Alex stands in front of him, a little worse for wear, and he’s not wearing a uniform like the last time that Michael saw him, and when he looks at him, Michael loses his breath all over again.

His eyes are dark, and there is a red scratch on his forehead with a butterfly bandage over it, and he smiles a little, his lips barely twitching, and he looks a little nervous like he’s unsure of his welcome.

“Hey,” he says and then eyes Michael’s outfit, and something comes over his face that Michael doesn’t recognize.

“Oh, you’re going somewhere,” he says, and takes a step back, hand coming up to his neck, to mess with the collar of his shirt. 

Michael doesn’t hear what else he says, because he spots the pristine white bandage tapped to his collarbone, disappearing beneath the collar of his shirt, and Michael stares like he’ll be able to see through the fabric of Alex’s shirt if he concentrates hard enough.

“What happened?” Michael demands, crossing the space between them, but he clenches his fists to his sides, not sure if Alex wants Michael to touch him.

Alex puts his hand back down like he hadn’t meant to do that and clears his throat.

“It’s not important,” he says and takes a step back. “You’re going somewhere. I should-”

“ _That’s_ not important,” Michael says and takes a step closer and when Alex doesn’t move, he wraps his fingers in Alex’s collar and tugs it to the side to expose the rest of the bandage and he feels dizzy and like he might pass out when he sees that it covers his entire shoulder.

“Alex,” he says, voice dry, and he swallows hard and then looks up into Alex’s eyes and Alex is staring at him with bright wet eyes. “What happened?”

Alex inhales deeply and blinks a few times before he says, “I got shot.”

Michael doesn’t really know how they get from the outside to the inside of the Airstream, but one second Michael is collapsing into Alex and the next Alex is pushing him back down onto his bed.

Alex moves away, his mouth is open and closing like he’s talking but all Michael can hear is a high pitched ringing in his ears.

“-Guerin! If you don’t snap out of it right now, I am going to-”

He moves back towards the door, and Michael moves, wrapping his fingers around Alex’s arms and tugging, making him stumble and fall into the bed.

Alex hisses in pain, but Michael ignores that as he climbs into his lap and starts pulling at his shirt.

Alex grabs his hands and Michael’s gaze snaps up to him. Alex’s narrowed eyes go soft, and he just sighs a little and licks his lips.

“I’m fine,” he says.

Michael stares at him for a second, and then says, “I just-I have to see. Can I?”

Alex swallows hard and then nods his head, loosening his hold on Michael’s hands.

Michael tugs Alex’s shirt over his head and Alex helps a little, but then lies back, his hands on either side of Michael’s knees.

Michael stares down at him, at the width of his shoulders and the way his chest expands with every breath and how his stomach trembles, and vividly remembers the last time that they’d been in this position, but his gaze is drawn back to the stark white bandage, and he has to see, he has to _know_ how close he came to losing Alex, for real.

He looks back to Alex’s face and his eyes are closed, head tilted back, and Michael can see the way his pulse is thundering in his throat.

He licks his lips and moves one hand to the bandage, picking at the clean edges of the tape, and he feels Alex’s breathing stutter in his chest. His eyes flicker open, and he looks at Michael who raises an eyebrow in question.

Alex doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t make a move to stop him, so Michael tugs against the tape until it lifts up and he carefully pulls the pristine white bandage off.

The wound looks mostly healed, but there is still a patch of raw looking flesh, with tiny already healed holes that came from the stitches, that Michael knows will leave a thick permanent scar, and he has to fight the urge to place his hand over the wound and remove all traces that he was ever shot.

Instead he leans down and brushes his lips over the spot.

He feels Alex’s breath catch in his chest and he jolts beneath Michael, hands pressing on either side of Michael’s hips like he’s afraid to touch anywhere else.

Michael shudders at the touch, and with his lips pressed to Alex’s ruined skin he whispers.

“You can’t,” he starts, voice thick and desperate. “You’re not _allowed_ to die out there. You have to come back to me.”

Alex moves then, rucking up Michael’s clothes as he drags his hands up his back and into his hair.

He tugs lightly, and Michael makes a muffled sound against his skin, pressing another kiss before he follows the insistent tugging of Alex’s fingers in his hair to Alex’s mouth.

Michael kisses Alex and something deep inside of him lights up and goes, _this, this, this is what’s been missing._

Michael likes kissing, and he really likes sex. It’s a good way to communicate with others where he doesn’t have to say anything.

But he never feels with anyone else the way that he feels when he’s with Alex, like they’re two pieces, made up of the same stuff, that click together perfectly together with each other, and while they can click with others, it’s never the same.

Alex slides his hands back down Michael’s back and under his shirt, short fingernails dragging up Michael’s back, and making him push in closer, leaning all of his weight on Alex as he kisses him deeper, biting into his mouth and licking inside and forgetting about everything but Alex.

*

(A flurry of knocks on the door, almost hard enough to shake the entire Airstream. Alex makes a low noise of protest from where he is pinned between Michael and the wall. Michael tugs his pants back on and goes to answer the door, pissed at the interruption, especially when he barely gets any sleep on a good day. 

He opens the door and the words die in his mouth when he sees Andy and remembers that they were supposed to be having dinner. 

Michael opens his mouth to apologize, but he sees the way that Andy’s eyes take him in from the frizzy, sweaty mess on top of his head, to the bite mark he can still feel throbbing on his shoulder to his unbuttoned jeans and bare feet. He looks back up to Michael’s face, and he looks hurt but mostly, pissed off. 

“If you didn’t want to be exclusive, that’s all you had to say.” Michael feels confused, but before he can clarify anything, he can hear Alex calling his name. 

He turns back towards Alex who is leaning on his hand looking at him with half lidded eyes. He turns back to Andy to tell him that they’ll talk later, but Andy is already getting into his car, slamming his door closed loudly.

Andy doesn’t come back to Fosters next summer.)

**three.**

Forest has never met someone like Alex Manes.

He’s not only scary smart and just plain scary with a gun, he’s gorgeous to boot with a killer smile and an ass that just won’t quit.

Plus he’s got an amazing personality, and is pretty much the perfect man for Forest, competent and just rebellious enough to go along with Forest’s terribly planned schemes.

There is nothing about him that Forest doesn’t like, from the recently frosted tips of his hair to his sinful mouth to his arms and the curve of his waist and his cock.

He stares at him, leaning on his elbows after getting pushed back into the bed by eager hands, and watches as Alex pulls his shirt over his head.

He licks his bottom lip, but his mouth is open and he feels parched, and really wants to put his mouth on Alex. 

Alex smirks, lips twitching up, just a little before he moves forward, and crawls onto the bed, settling his knees on either side of Forest’s hips.

Forest lifts his hands and tangles his fingers in Alex’s belt loops, and leans up, tilting his head back for a kiss.

Alex leans down, cupping the back of Forest’s head to pull him in even closer.

Forest’s breath catches at the back of his throat, and he feels Alex’s breath right against his mouth, eyes fluttering shut at the sensation.

A loud shrill ringing fills the air, and Forest makes a low protesting noise at the back of his throat when Alex slides off his lap to get at his phone.

Usually, Alex would be shushing him and telling him that he’ll be right back, while he goes to turn his phone off.

But this time he actually answers the phone, the noise cuts off, and Alex speaks, and Forest opens his eyes to stare at him, feeling confused and a little bit annoyed.

“Hey,” he says, and there is something about the tone of his voice that immediately puts him on edge. “Are you okay?”

He watches as Alex licks his lips and nods his head before he closes his eyes and inhales deeply.

“Okay,” he says, exhaling all in a rush. “I’ll be right there.”

Forest just looks at him in disbelief as he hangs up the phone, not only because they were in the middle of something, but usually, Alex is very determined not to let anything get in the way of his relaxing days off.

Which can only mean one thing.

Michael is the one who called.

He doesn’t exactly need Alex to confirm it, but he gets the confirmation anyway when Alex turns to him with a slightly guilty, but mostly worried look on his face.

Forest has known Alex for almost six months now, and they’ve only been seriously dating for a couple of weeks, but every time he leaves at Michael’s behest he always looks at him like he’d be more sorry if the person wasn’t Michael.

“I have to go,” he says and picks his shirt back up from the floor sounding like he’d been interrupted on his way to the shower and not about to fuck his boyfriend.

“Let me guess,” he says, and he can’t help the way his voice goes caustic. “Michael desperately needs your help and it cannot possibly an hour or two?”

He regrets the tone immediately given the way that Alex’s defenses come up immediately, starting with his furrowed brow and ending with the way he stands at attention, shoulders back and feet shoulder width apart.

It’s not like he doesn’t know that Michael is an important part of Alex’s life, it was one of the things that Alex was upfront about when Forest had told him that he wanted something serious. 

Michael was a part of Alex’s family and there were family matters that Forest couldn’t be a part of. 

He could join Alex for dinner at Isobel’s house, but god forbid he actually want to know what they talk about during the movie nights he’s not invited to.

“I’m not having this fight with you right now,” Alex says, but he really means ‘ever’ since Forest is probably not going to see him for the rest of the day, and depending on the problem, maybe the rest of the week.

“You know that I wouldn’t leave if it wasn’t important,” he says, voice somber enough that Forest knows that whatever it is that Michael needs Alex for is serious, but that doesn’t mean that he wouldn’t be leaving if Michael had just told him that he needed help to hang a picture frame.

Even before they started dating, Forest knew that there wasn’t anything that Alex would drop to help Michael.

It had been hell those first few weeks of them getting to know each other, to see him coming back hollow after dragging a drunk Michael out of a ditch and into his bed.

And at first, Forest was convinced that Alex was just a glutton for punishment. But after seeing them around each other for the first time, he realized that they were just both caught up in each other’s orbit, like two planets circling around each other and dragging each other closer and closer and closer to an exploding sun, and just pulling everyone they come into contact with in their wake.

Forest wants to be strong enough to drag Alex away, but it’s still too early in their relationship.

“I know,” Forest says instead of anything else that’s swirling around in his head.

Alex nods and walks over to the edge of the bed. Forest thinks that he’s gonna give him a placating kiss, but instead he leans down to grab his shoes and just looks at Forest for a second.

“I’ll call you later?”

Forest just nods his head and watches Alex go.

He waits until he hears his front door close before he groans and lets himself fall back on the bed. He blows out a breath as he looks up at the ceiling. 

He really doesn’t understand the hold that Michael has on Alex, but he hopes that time will fix the problem.

*

(It doesn’t.)

**four.**

Maria isn’t watching when the first glass shatters and Alex’s date for the night, a tall and fit guy with a mohawk and murky green eyes, comes back to the bar to apologize and order another drink.

Her eyes are right on Michael the second time that it happens.

He had leaned over the bar and had kissed her hello, and then had spotted Alex and his date and hasn’t stopped glaring since.

Maria sees him grind his teeth, and she can almost feel the counter shaking from how tightly wound up he is.

Maria hears Alex laughing and she sees Michael’s gaze focus intensely and then there is the sound of glass shattering and he looks away, catching Maria’s gaze.

He doesn’t look guilty or caught, only a little startled that she’s watching him.

Maria had waited until Michael was better in the aftermath of Max, and she’d waited until Alex finally succumbed to Forest’s flirting and started to date him, and she made them take things slow.

She wanted an actual relationship with him one hundred percent in it and with her, because she wasn’t going to be a rebound, and she refused to be a consolation prize.

Things had seemed like they were finally going to go right, and they had gone on a few dates, and have even spent more than a few nights just lost in each other the entire night, and Michael never fails to make her feel like she’s the only person in the room worth taking an interest in.

The only times that she questioned anything were times like now, when Alex was out on a date.

Maria had tried to read him only once and had gotten a small hit of jealousy, but mostly it was a kind of hurt anger, like he had a problem with Alex going on dates because Alex never did that with him.

She opens her mouth to ask him if he wants to talk about it even though she would prefer never to know anything about what his relationship with Alex was like, when she sees him tense up immediately, eyes going a little wide, but still when Alex speaks Maria jumps a little.

“Can I have another one of whatever James is drinking?” He asks, and Maria turns to him, turning her head to the side and giving him a look.

“Isn’t his name Jake?” She asks, and Alex narrows his eyes at her like he’s thinking about it.

“I didn’t exactly clarify,” Alex admits after a long moment.

Maria just grabs another glass and sets it on top of the bar before turning to grab the bottle of rum.

When she turns back around, it’s to find them staring at each other with serious expressions, like they were having a staring contest.

They weren’t saying a word to each other, but to Maria they were being so loud.

Alex’s brow clearly said, _what do you think you’re doing?_

And the tilt of Michael’s head clearly said, _I’m not doing anything._

Alex tilts his head in a way that tells Maria that he’s disappointed, most likely about Michael using his abilities out in the open.

Michael darts his eyes away like a kid getting caught doing something be shouldn’t be doing.

Alex exhales roughly, and makes a questioning noise at the back of his throat that has Michael looking back up at him, like he can’t believe that Alex is this stupid, like Alex should already know what he’s talking about.

Alex just looks at him like he has no idea what Michael could possibly mean.

Michael gives him an incredulous look and Alex gives him an exasperated one back, eyes darting to Maria quickly and back to Michael.

Michael rolls his eyes, and looks at seriously brow furrowed like he’s worried. Alex seems to understand exactly what he’s trying to say because he breathes out a little, like he’s surprised and then rolls his eyes.

Michael purses his mouth clearly saying, _you’re not taking this seriously enough._

And Alex tilts his head and raises his eyebrow, a smirk curling the edges of his mouth, clearly saying, _I can take care of myself._

Michael just turns away from him and looks to Maria, and jumps a little, like he’d forgotten that she was there. There’s a look on his face that Maria can’t read, and she wonders if Alex would be able.

Alex turns to her as well, and Maria just pours him the drink for his date or whatever.

Alex gives her a half smile, and then takes the drink and leaves without saying a word.

“Can I ask you something?” Maria asks after a few minutes of silence.

Michael tenses up immediately but doesn’t look away from her.

“Please stop breaking my glasses,” she says, and Michael deflates immediately.

“Okay,” he answers and leans his head down on the bar and doesn’t look get back up for the rest of the night.

*

(“This isn’t going to work out, Guerin,” she says and just feels a little bit bad when Michael looks at her with wide, shocked and hurt eyes.

He covers it up quickly, plastering a smirk and a raised eyebrow over his face that works as well as the black bandana did to hide his hand.

He can’t hide his eyes, and the look he gives her this time isn’t all that hard to read.

“Always figured you’d get tired of me eventually, DeLuca,” he drawls, pushing away from the bar and reaching for his hat.

“You’re not even going to ask why?” She asks him before he can say anything else.

He just exhales roughly and gives her a tight fake smile, “You mean it’s not because you finally realized you can do so much better than me?”

Maria doesn’t rise to his self deprecating bait and pulls out a bucket from beneath the counter, the glass pieces inside make a loud clatter as she sets the bucket on top of the bar, it’s almost full to the brim with broken glasses.

Michael looks at it with a furrowed brow, lips parting.

“I didn’t make you wait because I didn’t want to be with you,” she says before he can speak. “I waited because I wanted to be sure you had at _least_ begun getting over Alex in some way. Ten years is a long time to be hung up on someone and I needed you to be _with_ me, not waiting for Alex.”

“I’m not waiting for-”

“Yes you are,” she snaps, and Michael stops talking and just stares at her, lips parted. “And sometimes I can convince myself that you aren’t, that I’m the sun at the center of your universe, but I’m not, and I refuse to keep ignoring the mounting evidence that no matter how hard you try you’re still hung up on him.”

Michael shakes his head, and Maria just pushes the bucket.

“These are all of the glasses you’ve broken every time that Alex comes in here with a date.”

Michael looks back at the bucket with wide eyes and swallows hard.

Michael looks back up at her, eyes bright and pleading.

“I’m sorry. I’m trying, but it’s hard sometimes, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t work out.”

Maria just sighs, and reaches for his hands which Michael gives to her easily.

“Answer me one question,” she says, and Michael nods his head quickly. “Do you still love him?”

She can feel the denial on the tip of his tongue, but the rest of him cringes away from the question like he really doesn’t want to answer her because he doesn’t want to think about it because it hurts, which is all of the answer that she needs.

She squeezes his hands when all he does is blink at her.

“We can still be friends,” she tells him.

And he huffs out a breath that sounds like both a sob and a laugh.

She bites down on her bottom lip, squeezing his hands a little bit tighter, and then she lets him go.)

**five.**

Alex is in the middle of kicking Kyle’s ass in pool when Michael leans a hip on the table jostling Alex’s arm and messing up his shot.

Kyle cheers and Alex straightens up, leaning the pool stick against the table and glares at Michael.

“What the hell, Guerin?” Alex demands.

Michael just shrugs a little and licks his lips, before he pushes away from the table and crosses his arms looking at Alex seriously.

“Your boyfriend just left with someone else,” he says, making a face.

Alex makes a face back at him, “What are you talking about?”

Michael gives him an incredulous look, “Damian, the guy who picked you up from Isobel’s last Friday?”

“Oh,” Alex says with clarity. “He’s not my boyfriend.”

Alex turns back to the table to see Kyle sink a shot and then do a ridiculous victory dance, raising his hands in the air and shaking his hips.

Fingers wrap tightly around Alex’s wrist and then he’s being pulled through and out of the bar, Michael towing him along.

He lets Michael drag him out of the bar, but the second they’re out, he pulls his hand away and tugs Michael around to face him.

Before he can speak, Michael is pushing in close, making Alex tumble back a few steps until his back is flush against someone’s freezing car, and Michael is moving in close, until their bodies are pressed close together. The overwhelming heat of him chasing the cold away and making Alex’s mouth fall open with a gasp.

“Guerin, what?” He asks in a breathless confused voice.

Michael licks his lips and looks at Alex seriously. 

“If he’s not your boyfriend, then what is he?" 

It takes Alex a second to figure out what Michael is talking about.

"You mean, Damian?” he asks, trying to get back on a more even footing.

Michael just makes a low noise of confirmation.

Alex licks his lips and feels a jolt in the pit of his stomach, when Michael pushes in closer.

“Do you know what a booty call is, Guerin?” He asks, raising an eyebrow pointedly.

Michael licks his lips and looks at Alex even more intently.

“So he’s not your boyfriend?” Michael questions like he really needs to make sure.

“No,” Alex says again, and then makes his voice go a little bit deeper. “I just really like the way he give head.”

Michael’s breathing hitches and his eyes go dark and he tilts his head pressing his tongue to the corner of his mouth as he eyes Alex’s mouth intently before he speaks.

“Oh yeah?” He breathes, and Alex nods his head, making their noses brush together slightly.

“Is he better than me?” Michael asks, and Alex can feel his hands, hot and damp on Alex’s hips.

“Not sure,” Alex says voice low and hoarse. “It’s been a while since you’ve sucked me off.”

Michael presses in even closer, leaning even heavier on Alex, pushing their noses together until Alex can feel his breath on his lips.

“Want me to give you a refresher course?” He asks, and he sounds like he wants nothing more than to drop to his knees and put his mouth on Alex’s dick, and Alex feels the words hit him low in his belly.

Alex blinks trying to think clearly, but it becomes increasingly harder to do that as Michael slips his hands beneath Alex’s shirt, and presses his hands against the small of Alex’s back.

Alex’s eyes flutter close and Michael keeps talking.

“It would be so good,” he whispers, lips just barely touching Alex’s. “I know exactly what you like and how you like it. I can make it so good for you, darlin’. You know I can.”

He sounds a little desperate right at then end of it, and Alex shudders and his knees feel like jelly, and all he wants is to say yes and push Michael down to his knees right here in the parking lot where anyone can walk out and catch them at it. He moans low in the back of his throat.

Michael somehow presses in even closer and all Alex can feel is him and all he can _smell_ is him, and it’s making him feel dizzy and _hungry_.

“We can do whatever you want,” he says, practically begging. “No strings attached.”

The last three words hit Alex square in the chest, and it makes his heart ache and it feels like he can’t breath and not in a good way.

He finally finds the strength to push Michael back, his hands lifting from where they’d been lying limp at his sides, but he snags his fingers in the open collar of his jacket to stop him from getting close.

Michael blinks at him in confusion, and Alex swallows hard and tries to figure out how to put what he’s feeling into words.

“I can’t,” he starts and he knows that it’s the wrong thing to say as soon as he says it.

Michael goes all tense, and his face shutters close, and before Alex can say anything else, he’s pulling himself away from his hold, moving a few steps backwards.

“Guerin, wait,” he says, stepping forward, but Michael is shaking his head, and moving even further back.

“Nah,” he says and then turns around and heads back inside of the bar.

Alex exhales roughly and thumps his head back on the car behind him, groaning at the bright flash of pain, before he inhales deeply and pushes away from the car.

He’ll give Michael a few days to get over himself and then he’ll go talk to him.

*

(Several days later, Alex shows up at the Airstream and he isn’t surprised to find that Michael has company. Ever since he stopped drinking, he has two coping mechanisms he turns to when he feels out of control, one is making tiny figurines out of metal by manipulating the pieces with his powers and the other is this, indiscriminate sex with strangers.

The guy looks vaguely familiar in a way that tells Alex he’s probably seen him around town, and he looks pissed off about the interruption, probably because Michael’s mouth was almost at his dick when Alex had pulled open the door to the Airstream.

Michael looks at him, raising an eyebrow, and Alex just gives him a slightly impatient look, not even bothering with anything more than a cursory glance at the other guy.

“We need to talk,” he says, and then turns around and walks out of the door, not bothering to close it behind himself.

He hears a whispered argument and then the guy is stomping out of the Airstream, glaring at Alex as he tugs his shirt back over his head. Alex just waves at him and continues looking in his glove compartment for the pack of gum he has in there.

He finds it and stuffs it into the back pocket of his jeans before grabbing the half empty bottle of water on top of the seat and taking it with him as he closes the door.

He turns towards the Airstream in time to see Michael swaggering out of the door, jeans unbuttoned and not wearing a shirt.

Alex just walks towards him and stops right in front of.

Michael raises an eyebrow, and Alex just shrugs.

“You could have finished what you were doing,” he says, and hands Michael the water bottle.

Michael takes the bottle automatically and gives Alex an incredulous look.

Alex just shrugs again, “I doubt that it would have taken long.”

Michael bites his lip down on a smile and opens the water bottle, downing the rest of the bottle in a few gulps.

“You didn’t come here to wait while I took care of someone else’s business,” he says and tosses the plastic bottle to the side where it lands perfectly in the plastic recycling bin.

“You’re right,” Alex says and tugs the pack of gum out of his pocket and hands a stick to Michael, who sighs but takes the gum, and unwraps it and puts it into his mouth.

“So what did you come here for?” He looks like he knows what Alex came here to talk about, but there is a tiny hopeful glint in his eyes and Alex is just so _tired_ of holding back when it’s obvious that Michael wants him just as much as he wants Michael.

“This,” Alex says and then steps forward and wraps his fingers around the back of Michael’s neck before he kisses him, hard and rough.

It lights a spark deep inside of his belly and he makes a low noise at the back of his throat and pushes in closer.

Michael makes a muffled sound against Alex’s mouth, but he kisses him back immediately, wrapping his arms low around Alex’s back and pulling him in close.

Alex slides his hands down to tangle his fingers in the collar of Michael’s shirt and pulls back a little, smiling when 

Michael chases after his mouth.

He blinks his eyes open and stares at Alex, eyes dark and way too close.

“Whatever happened to you _can’t_?” Michael asks in a breathless voice.

Alex licks his lips, “I meant that I can’t-you _can’t_ offer me no strings. I can’t do casual with you. I don’t want to. I want you to tangle me up in all of the strings you can manage, but if that’s not something that you want, then you can’t, you can’t offer to, you just-”

He inhales deeply and tightens his hold on Michael’s collar, “You can’t kiss me, if you don’t want something more.”

Michael stares at him from too close, and his eyes are bright and endless and Alex feels lost, like he’s floundering and he knows that there is only one thing, one answer, that will be able to make him find solid ground again.

Michael stares at him for so long that Alex thinks that he’s just not going to answer.

And then, he drags his hands into Alex’s hair, and pulls him in close, and hesitates, right there with his lips so close to Alex’s mouth, and he stares deep into his eyes, and Alex’s breath catches in his chest and his heart skips a beat.

Michael kisses him and Alex is finally _found_.)


End file.
